IDENTITY - WHO AM I REALLY?
Do you feel a disconnect between the person you thought you were, how you feel today and who you may become in the future?
Where does a stable identity come from?
Identity is the way we feel about and define ourself in the world. A stable identity comes from seeing that we are the same person we were in the past and as we will be in the future. With a stable identity we feel the same regardless of our environment or who we are with and we have a strong sense of the role we play in our society. Having a stable identity doesn’t mean that we don’t have different moods or act differently under stress but a stable identity means that we feel the same about who we are regardless of our environment.
With social media many of us choose to portray ourselves in a certain way by curating the parts of our lives and personalities we make visible to others but this is not a new concept as most humans have areas of our lives in which we choose not to shine the spotlight.
Managing / revealing hidden parts of our identity
Many of us hide or struggle to come to terms with aspects of themselves during much of their lives. Ethnicity, gender, sexuality, prejudice and more. There comes a time when we feel a need to deal with incongruence and to balance discrepancies between our private and public selves.
What happens when we lose it?
With a loss of identity we can experience a disconnect from the person we have been and a sense of uncertainty about who we might become in the future. Looking in the mirror can feel as though we are looking at someone else.
Identity is not personality driven. Crises of identity often develop in people who were not provided with adequate support in their childhood environment in which crucial sense of self is formed. Entering adulthood without a clear sense of self awareness can leave us feeling confused about who we are.
Many of us experience temporary loss of identity through life events such as bereavement, moving to a new place or loss of a job or role, but these generally pass with time and adaptation to new circumstances.
In a real identity crisis however stems from not having developed a firm identity as an adolescent which makes living as an adult difficult.
Common signs of identity crisis include:
You change with your environment.
Relationships reshape you.
Regular and radical shifts in your opinion.
Not liking being asked about yourself.
Getting bored easily.
Relationships lacking deep connection.
Fundamentally not trusting yourself.
Resolving an identity crisis.
Coaching can be very effective at helping us reconnect with who we are, identifying our core values and even building upon a less solid identity through identifying feelings we have had during different life experiences.
I personally experienced temporary loss of identity some years ago.
Max Lawrence (born 1975), ADHD Business Coach, Serial Entrepreneur with first hand experience of anxiety, OCD, panic disorder, ADHD and addiction.
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